So it’s October. I know fall officially starts in September, but a part of me doesn’t acknowledge that fact until October has begun. October is also a bittersweet month for me. It holds so many anniversaries that take me to memories and recollections. Today especially. Today, October 3rd is my mom’s birthday. October also marks my parent’s anniversary, my mother’s diagnosis, and her death. I’m always holding her memory in my heart, sharing my triumphs and my trials, remembering her lessons and strengths, but this month brings everything to the forefront. It’s also so pretty out, with nature in full regalia and the mountains fantastically majestic, and all that compounds my joy and sorrow throughout the month.
Sometimes I don’t feel very far removed at all from the girl I was five years ago and who I am now. In many ways I’m doing the same things and moving towards the same goals. I want to share the exciting things in my day with my mother and ask her advise. I think that’s the thing I miss the most–having that person to go to who knew the answers on how to can vegetables, or sew a quilt or prepare tasty cheap meals. 20 years was not long enough to learn from her, and my heart hurts for my siblings who had even less time.
So today and every day, I miss you, Mommy. I’m still learning and growing and my dreams are coming true. I hope you can see that.
Happy birthday and rest in peace.